


when I break(it’s in a million pieces)

by bexgempisces



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, First Kiss, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Pipsy, Season 5 was rough, Skye | Daisy Johnson Needs a Hug, daisys really going thru it, in a very sad way, in between five and six, slightly suicidal thoughts, this is in space tho, this is really kinda cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:21:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27236404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bexgempisces/pseuds/bexgempisces
Summary: “But that’s the problem! You keep jumping into these bloody suicidal missions or acts like it’s nothing! You keep getting hurt and you don’t even care!”—Daisys really not doing well in space and after a callout from Jemma she retreats to Piper after another mission, things evolve.
Relationships: Agent Piper/Skye | Daisy Johnson
Comments: 7
Kudos: 49





	when I break(it’s in a million pieces)

**Author's Note:**

> Basically I wrote this instead of sleeping or doing my history essay. Also wrote in between new updates for my other fics and a new chapter fic I’m working on. 
> 
> WARNINGS: self harm, slight mentors of anorexia but it’s really not talked about at all, kinda suicidal thoughts, blood and injury
> 
> Enjoy! -bex xx

“That was really stupid, Daisy.” Jemma scolded. The woman in question glared but didn’t answer, wincing at the pain of the burns on her back. 

“They had Piper. I’m not losing anyone.” Daisy defended, tensing as Jemma poured some chemical which was supposed to help with the second degree burns splattering her back like fire. So far, it wasn’t doing the best job. 

“She was fine, you didn’t need to nearly get yourself killed.” Jemma’s tone was harsh, but Daisy supposed she deserved that. She’d jumped in front of the fire breathing aliens to be fair, whether it was to save Piper or not. 

“I didn’t nearly get myself killed, it’s just burns.” Daisy mumbled into the table she was lying on, trying to stay conscious through the pain, though the darkness was very inviting. But this cold metal table was a little too familiar, if she closed her eyes, she’d be back  _ there  _ again, and she’s not entirely sure she can handle that. 

She’s not sure she’ll  _ ever  _ be able to handle it. 

“But that’s the problem! You keep jumping into these bloody suicidal missions or acts like it’s nothing! You keep getting hurt and you don’t even care!” Jemma sounded close to tears which honestly broke Daisy’s heart. Jemma’s dealing with her missing husband she didn’t need to deal with this too. 

“Look, I’ll be more careful in future. I can deal with this on my own if it’s a problem.” Daisy said, trying to push the pain out of her voice that was making her head spin. She’d probably be able to reach some of the burns, she’s sure she can convince Piper into doing the rest. She just doesn’t want to make Jemma cry anymore. 

“Don’t lie to me, Daisy. We both know you won’t stop until you’re dead.” The way she says it throws her off guard. Okay, maybe she’d been a little reckless with her own life lately, but it’s only because she’s responsible for everyone else’s, she has to be the one to take the fall. No one else can die because of her, no one. 

“I just want to keep you all safe.” Daisy mumbled eventually and Jemma let out a drained sigh. Shaking hands stilled on her charred back and she flinched but let Jemma’s hands lie there. 

“You’re killing your self trying to do that, Dais.” Jemma whispered and Daisy could hear the tears in her voice and if her back wasn’t currently keeping her clenching the table she would have drawn Jemma into the tightest hug right then and there. 

“I’m not trying to.” Daisy whispers, tears forming in her own eyes. It’s not a lie exactly, she’s not trying to get herself killed but if it happened to happen...she doesn’t think she’d mind too much. 

“I don’t think that’s true.” Jemma wipes her eyes and continues with the task of healing Daisy’s back, the chemical searing her skin and forcing it to form a new layer. It won’t heal any time soon, burns are difficult, but it won’t be as painful now. 

Not that Daisy would really mind. She knows she deserves the pain. The burns ache and throb but every wince is worth it to cleanse her hands of blood she spilled. She’s done this before, leaving her gauntlets behind and causing her bones to crack and splinter under the stress of her powers. She’d nearly lost full mobility of her arms, the bones would have been too far gone if she hadn’t agreed to the surgery when she went back to SHIELD. 

But it’s not like she stopped. She just went back to older methods to soothe the ache in her soul that screamed like a banshee that she was  _bad_.  That she was guilty and she deserved to pay for her crimes. She was paying her debts in blood and blades and split knuckles. Empty stomachs and cuts lining her arms and legs like tally marks. Something in her is screaming for release, she is granting that escape. 

“I’ll be more careful in future. Thanks Simmons.” She wants to escape from the harsh metal beneath her body, away from Jemma’s searing eyes and the memory of a scalpel in her neck, cutting deeper and deeper and splitting her soul in two and....

No. She’s not doing this _again_. She’s not  _ there  _ again. 

“I mean it, Daisy. I can’t lose you.” Jemma pleads with her but it’s a promise Daisy can’t make. Not now, not when her mind is screaming and she wants to rip into her skin just to feel alive again. 

“I’ll see you later.” She says instead, because she can at least promise to be at the command station for her shift. Jemma sighs but let’s her go and Daisy heads to the cargo ramp, ready to beat her problems into a punching bag. 

* * *

“Tell me what’s going on with you.” 

It’s days later, another planet and another failed attempt at finding Fitz. There’s a bullet in her leg because space pirates can get a little overzealous, but it’s nothing life threatening. Piper’s asking this time because Daisy couldn’t face Jemma so soon after their conversation over her still healing back, and she’s perfectly capable of fixing her own wounds. 

“I’m fine.” She mumbles, holding back a pained gasp as she twists the tweezers in her thigh searching for the bullet. She gets it eventually, wincing as it comes free and her leg immediately begins flowing blood once it’s out. She presses a towel to the stream, as Piper silently threads a needle and hands it to her. 

“You’re a lot of things, Johnson, but you’re not a liar. Tell what’s wrong. It might help.” Piper says softly and Daisy shakes her head as she grits her teeth to start stitching her leg. 

“There’s- ow- nothing to talk about, I’m fine, Pipes.” The needle pulls at her skin, she’d forgot how much bullet wounds hurt. 

“For fucks sake Daisy, stop saying that. You are not fine, you haven’t been fine for a long time. So, tell me what’s wrong.” Piper snaps and Daisy flinches, tugging a little too hard on the needle and breaking the suture. 

“Shit,  _ shit,  _ _I’m sorry_ -“ Piper stutters but Daisy doesn’t really care. She’s too tired and too broken right now to care. 

“It’s okay, Piper, it’s fine.” Daisy whispers and Piper stops stressing and looks at her. There are tears forming in Daisy’s eyes because she’s so goddamn tired of this, of pretending she’s fine, pretending she’s not smashing into a million pieces like fucking porcelain. 

“What’s wrong, Daisy? Please, I just want to help.” Piper whispers, sitting in front of her on the bed that Daisy had decided would be a good place to stitch herself up. 

“I don’t- I don’t  _know_. ” Tears start streaming down her face and Jesus it hurts but she pulls her knees up to her chest and sobs into them, her cries more like screams and months, more like a  _ lifetime  _ of tears flow down her cheeks. The salt stings in her still half open wound but she doesn’t care, everything just hurts too much. 

“Dais, can I hug you?” Piper asks and Daisy stares at her for a minute, searching for judgement or a lie in her eyes but she finds none so she nods shakily. Piper moves up to sit beside you, gently pacing her arms around Daisy’s shoulders like she’ll break and she actually might, so Daisy twists until she sobbing into Piper’s chest. 

Piper strokes a hand through her hair, the indigo streaks she helped dye tangling on her long fingers like spiderwebs but Daisy seems to like it so she keeps going. She’s never seen Daisy like this, after Lincoln the girl barricaded herself in her room and then she disappeared, they were in the middle of a mission when Fitz ripped the inhibitor out so there wasn’t time for anyone to have a full on breakdown, but she suspects this has been building for a long time. She’s watched Daisy carefully on this mission, even when they had a full crew rather than the skeleton cone they’re working with now, she was an incredible leader and god she was hot when she got angry...

But Piper also saw the cracks in Daisy’s walls, fortress thick but breaking, rock by rock as she was continually assaulted with more and more pain that she welcomed like an old friend. It was kind of scary. 

Scratch that, it was very scary. Daisy would jump in front of bullets, fire breathing aliens, a fucking grenade one time she only just managed to quake in time to prevent getting blown up. Their leader had no worth on her own life and it was terrifying because Piper really didn’t want to lose her before she told her she liked her. Really liked her. 

But right now, Daisy is sobbing into her chest and that doesn’t matter because Piper can practically feel the pain Daisy has been storing all this time and god, it aches and stretches her heart to the point she might burst but Daisy needs her to not combust right now so she’ll just concentrate on the hair curled around her finger and the soft assurances she’s whispering to Daisy, not even knowing if the woman can hear her. 

“I think I’m broken Piper.” Daisy’s voice is cracked and sore and it hurts to speak but she has to warn Piper that she is not worth the time. She wants it, she wants Piper’s time and she wants to show the slightly older woman how much she cares for her, how much she wants to kiss her, but she can’t. She is poison, she will seep into Piper’s veins like a snake and kill her. 

Everyone she loves dies. She can’t let it happen to Piper. 

“That’s okay.” Piper says and Daisy shakes her head in her chest. She needs Piper to understand, she is far too dangerous for this. She’s the _Destroyer of fucking World’s_ , she should not be granted this simple comfort. She deserves the full throb of a knife slicing her flesh like paper, the fissures on her bones like the walking earthquake she is, bruised knuckles and empty stomachs like payment. She will destroy everything she touches and she won’t let it happen again. 

“You should leave.” Daisy tells her even though it’s the last thing she wants. She’s used to people leaving, it’s better than them dying. She can live with Piper being angry at her for all eternity. She can’t live with Piper being dead, when it’s her who should die in the first place. 

“Do you want me to leave?” Piper’s voice is low and vulnerable, her hand has travelled to Daisy’s arms, resting at her wrists. Beneath those sleeves and Piper’s hands lie all her secrets, cracked bones and scars and cuts and mistakes, all Piper has to do is push up one inch. 

And god, Daisy wants her to. She wants to lay herself bare for Piper to see, she wants to show her her poison, her curse, her past,  _everything_.  She wants to show Piper all of it, and in the off chance Piper didn’t run a fucking mile, she’d see Piper’s too. 

“No,” she whispers, “I want you to stay.” Because no one else has. Bobbi, Hunter, Lincoln, her parents, Coulson, they’re all gone. All her life all she’s known is loss and she should be used to it by now, but every time it cuts into her just a little deeper that she feels she is constantly dripping blood. 

“Then I’ll stay.” Piper whispers and Daisy nods, looking up at the brunette. Piper smiles gently and Daisy asks a silent question before pressing her lips to Piper’s. The woman gasps a little but kisses back with the same amount of bruising force Daisy is using. 

They break apart when oxygen becomes necessary. They’re both out of breath and startled, Piper looks wonderfully adorable when caught off guard Daisy has learned. Daisy’s lips taste like tears and cherry and kissing her feels like a tectonic shift on Earth Piper learns. 

“Is this okay?” Daisy whispers eventually, vulnerable and scared, brown eyes dark with lust and fear as she looks to Piper for guidance. 

“I’ve wanted to do that for a while.” Piper smiles and the alarm bells in Daisy’s head screaming that this was bad idea are silent as she looks at the woman in her bed. “It’s more than okay.” 

“Okay.” Daisy smiles, tears still staining her cheeks but Piper thinks she’s never looked more beautiful. 

“I got you, Dais. No more pretending.” Piper says and Daisy nods solemnly. 

“Promise.” Daisy swears and then looks down at her lap, suddenly remembering how they got here in the first place. 

“We got blood on the sheets.” 


End file.
